二十岁是不可以挥霍的光阴

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5天内超过60万次浏览量的最新TED演讲二十岁一去不再来激起了世界各地的热烈讨论，资深心理治疗师 Meg Jay 分享给20多岁青年人的人生建议：(1)不要为你究竟是谁而烦恼，去赚那些说明你是谁的资本。(2)不要把自己封锁在小圈子里。(3)记住你可以选择自己的家庭。

Meg说：第一，我常告诉二十多岁的男孩女孩，不要为你究竟是谁而烦恼，开始思考你可以是谁，并且去赚那些说明你是谁的资本。现在就是最好的尝试时机，不管是海外实习，还是创业，或者做公益。第二，年轻人经常聚在一起，感情好到可以穿一条裤子。可是社会中许多机会是从远关系开始的，不要把自己封锁在小圈子里，走出去你才会对自己的经历有更多的认识。第三，记住你可以选择自己的家庭。你的婚姻就是未来几十年的家庭，就算你要到三十岁结婚，现在选择和什么样的人交往也是至关重要的。简而言之，二十岁是不能轻易挥霍的美好时光。

这段关于20岁青年人如何看待人生的演讲引起了许多TED粉丝的讨论，来自TEDx组织团队的Did Webber就说：Meg指出最重要的一点便是青年人需要及早意识到积累经验和眼界，无论是20岁还是30岁，都是有利自己发展的重要事。

When I was in my 20s, I saw my very first psychotherapy client. I was a Ph.D. student in clinical psychology at Berkeley. She was a 26-year-old woman named Alex.

记得见我第一位心理咨询顾客时，我才20多岁。当时我是Berkeley临床心理学在读博士生。我的第一位顾客是名叫Alex的女性，26岁。

Now Alex walked into her first session wearing jeans and a big slouchy top, and she dropped onto the couch in my office and kicked off her flats and told me she was there to talk about guy problems. Now when I heard this, I was so relieved. My classmate got an arsonist for her first client. (Laughter) And I got a twentysomething who wanted to talk about boys. This I thought I could handle.

第一次见面Alex穿着牛仔裤和宽松上衣走进来，她一下子栽进我办公室的沙发上，踢掉脚上的平底鞋，跟我说她想谈谈男生的问题。当时我听到这个之后松了一口气。因为我同学的第一个顾客是纵火犯，而我的顾客却是一个20出头想谈谈男生的女孩。我觉得我可以搞定。

But I didnt handle it. With the funny stories that Alex would bring to session, it was easy for me just to nod my head while we kicked the can down the road.

但是我没有搞定。Alex不断地讲有趣的事情，而我只能简单地点头认同她所说的，很自然地就陷入了附和的状态。

Thirtys the new 20, Alex would say, and as far as I could tell, she was right. Work happened later, marriage happened later, kids happened later, even death happened later. Twentysomethings like Alex and I had nothing but time.

Alex说：30岁是一个新的20岁。没错，我告诉她你是对的。工作还早，结婚还早，生孩子还早，甚至死亡也早着呢。像Alex和我这样20多岁的人，什么都没有但时间多的是。

But before long, my supervisor pushed me to push Alex about her love life. I pushed back. I said, Sure, shes dating down, shes sleeping with a knucklehead, but its not like shes going to marry the guy. And then my supervisor said, Not yet, but she might marry the next one. Besides, the best time to work on Alexs marriage is before she has one.

但不久之后，我的导师就要我向Alex的感情生活施压。我反驳说：当然她现在正在和别人交往，她现在和一个傻瓜男生睡觉，但看样子她不会和他结婚的。而我的导师说：不着急，她也许会和下一个结婚。但修复Alex婚姻的最好时期是她还没拥有婚姻的时期。

Thats what psychologists call an Aha! moment. That was the moment I realized, 30 is not the new 20. Yes, people settle down later than they used to, but that didnt make Alexs 20s a developmental downtime.

这就是心理学家说的顿悟时刻。正是那个时候我意识到，30岁不是一个新的20岁。的确，和以前的人相比，现在人们更晚才安定下来，但是这不代表Alex就能长期处于20多岁的状态。

That made Alexs 20s a developmental sweet spot, and we were sitting there blowing it. That was when I realized that this sort of benign neglect was a real problem, and it had real consequences, not just for Alex and her love life but for the careers and the families and the futures of twentysomethings everywhere.

更晚安定下来，应该使Alex的20多岁成为发展的黄金时段，而我们却坐在那里忽视这个发展的时机。从那时起我意识到这种善意的忽视确实是个问题，它不仅给Alex本身和她的感情生活带来不良后果，而且影响到处20多岁的人的事业、家庭和未来。

There are 50 million twentysomethings in the United States right now. Were talking about 15 percent of the population, or 100 percent if you consider that no ones getting through adulthood without going through their 20s first.

现在在美国，20多岁的人有五千万，也就是15%的人口，或者可以说所有人口，因为所有成年人都要经历他们的20多岁。

Raise your hand if youre in your 20s. I really want to see some twentysomethings here. Oh, yay! Yalls awesome. If you work with twentysomethings, you love a twentysomething, youre losing sleep over twentysomethings, I want to see Okay. Awesome, twentysomethings really matter.