bec高级作文求批改 - 范文无忧网

[求雅思作文批改顺便估下分万分感谢]As the cyber techniques continue to develop and the user number of computers, mobile phones and other communicating devices continue to grow, some people believ...+阅读

Report: Profits of two sea food subsidiaries in 2008 and 2010This report serves to analyse the general operating situations of the European subsidiary and the Australian subsidiary in 2008 and 2010.In retrospect, the Australian subsidiary'S profits started at about 47 millions US dollars in the first quarter, and then experienced a relatively steady trend through the whole year, with a slight increase to about （多少钱数） in the second quarter. However, the European subsidiary started at 32 million US dollars in the first quarter and then reached to the peak of about 38 millions US dollars in the second, from which it declined stablely.In 2010, the Australian subsidiary had a lower starting point of about 31 millions US dollars in the first quarter,.It rised to the summit of about （多少钱）in the second and then decreased steadily from the third to the fourth quarter. As to the European subsidiary, it began at a lower point rated 20 million US dollars and then there was a sharp increase in the third before it collapsed in the fourth.In conclusion, the European subsidiary is more vibrating then the Australian subsidiary.大概看了看，觉得你写的很不错。有些地方仍需加强。第

一、有些词组和词汇需要提高。比如说达到最大值、增加、减少、提高、降低等，这些常用词需要系统的记忆一下。真题后面的范文里面就有很多这样的例子，可以学学他们是怎样用词的。比如，提高可以是increase \rise\go up i\mprove等，不要经常用一个词，英语最避讳的就是用词重复。从你写的作文里面可以看出你对这方面有意识，这一点很好，但是仍需加强。第

二、图表有些地方的表达不是很准确。看我给你改的2008年欧洲分公司的那一节，第一季度是32，第二季度是38，第

三、四季度开始下滑。那么就说明第二季度是最高点，你只提到达到了38，但是没有提到它是最高峰，遗漏了一点。不仅无法展现你对这一点的英语掌握程度，还给人一种分析不透彻的感觉。不是我吹毛求疵，范文里面经常出现的一个词组就是reached to the peak of ，和go to the prime of ，二者都是达到最高点的意思。go to the minimum则是最低点的意思。所以你要好好研究研究范文。看图的时候有几个点要把握住，起点、最高点、最低点和终点，总体趋势也要说说，就是是说总体趋势是平稳的还是动荡的（总体趋势这一点你掌握的很好，值得表扬。嘿嘿。。。。）。还有我给你标的（多少钱）的字样，意思是要把达到的数值说一下，既可以凑字，也给人一种有理有据的感觉。就像现在一样，在没有图的情况下，我只能通过数字来增加对文章的了解。第

三、衔接的地方也要注意。就是in comparision ,however 等字样。当然衔接词不止这些，范文里面都有，你自己总结一下吧。记住我告诉你的这几点，拿B应该没问题。我是去年五月考的，勉强能回忆起这些。说错的地方望见谅。