求批改托福作文A persons job has more effects on his or her

[新GRE作文 Argument求批改求狠批谢谢谢谢谢谢！]The argument have many assumptions which are not reasonable. ->any argument has assumptions which are not reasonable. As it is mentioned in the argument, last y...+阅读

总体来说，这是一篇不错的toefl作文，两个理由都比较充分。第四段是想写让步段吧，不过这个段落没写出说服力，在考试的时候建议不写，toefl考试作文其实只要给出观点，写出支持观点的两个理由，最后总结就可以了。下面说一下一些细节问题吧...due to在文中出现的太过于频繁，其实可due to一样表原因的词有很多，如because,because of, for, in that...这些词在表示原因的时候都可以替换，不过注意有些后面是接句子，有些是接短语。

文中出现了一部分主谓不一致，或者是名词单复数的问题等细节性问题，这个虽然在toefl考试中不会有太大的影响，不过注意一下比较好，如第一段，whereas others against this idea，应该是whereas others are against this idea, does job influence our happiness应该是does a job influence our happiness，后文中job的单复数问题出现了几次，这里就不一一找出了。关于句式问题，整体看上去，句式有些单一，有些地方有些冗长，如第三段Being a scientist? Being a doctor? Being a teacher? Being engineering？其实这个地方可以就这样写Being a scientist, a doctor, a teacher or an engineer？后面几个并列句形式也太单一，Imagine being a scientist enable to improve the development of science, being a doctor enable to save patients' life, being a teacher enable cultivate a promising generation, not to mention being engineering help people to appreciate magnificent architecture.可以修改一下，（这里只丰富一下每句话，亲可以使用不同的句型自己串起来） a scientist can help to facilitate the development of science field. a doctor enables to diagnose patients' diseases and know the most efficient remedy. a teacher is supposed to cultivate a promisng generation. an engineer can devise many magnificent buildings. 另外，文中的句式主要是简单句和复合句，句子可以考虑从倒装，加入从句，使用修饰定语等等方面出发。

文章整体不错，多练习肯定能拿高分的，加油^ ^