请帮助修改雅思图表作文一篇再估下分吧

[我一直都不是很明白为什么雅思的口语和作文是可以预测的一般是]雅思口语分3大部分，写作分2大部分。这是固定的程序。口语第一部分是简单的个人相关的信息，比如姓名，爱好，家庭等等，考官问考生一一回答。第二部分，考官会给你一个卡片，上面写着一...+阅读

亲，无法评分，只能告诉你方法：控制好下面的内容：

1、开篇：明确指出文章的写作目的a）随着时间，变化b）大小的比较

2、结尾：结合写作目的，明确的给出图表中最为重要的信息a）看变化：哪些对象上升，哪些对象下降，哪些不变b）看比较：哪个对象是“最好王者”

3、细节分类讨论，给出一些支持结论的证据或过程分段模式：2+X (2代表开篇和结尾；X代表分类的结果和图形的数量)开篇：1）重点要突出“写作目的”change or compare “C&C”2）名词照抄，动词和抽象名词替换，时间和地点不变，但要突出“指代”下面是一篇以描述比较为主的文章范例：选材e.g. Cambridge 8 – Test 1The chart compares the proportions of overgrazing, over-cultivation, deforestation and others. The table compares the percentages of overgrazing, over-cultivation and deforestation in North America, Europe and Oceania during 1990 – 2000. 文章的开篇与提示句不同之处在于：你是在看过图表后产生的具体的描述。结尾：Overall, it is clear that overgrazing, over-cultivation and deforestation are main causes of global land degradation, and that the primary causes of land degradation in the three areas were different : North America (Over-cultivation), Europe (Deforestation), and Oceania (Overgrazing), and Europe had the most seriously affected land of the three countries.中间段：- 分段，每段的主题句如何支持最后的结论 X= 2第一段：第一句：最大值， while第二句：接近的值归类. However，其余的不重要的值The most primary cause of land degradation in the world is over-grazing, accounting for 35%, while other two main causes are over-cultivation and deforestation, occupying 28% and 30% respectively. The reminder only takes up 7%.23% of land in Europe was degraded, which was the most serious, and 9.8% of land degradation was caused by deforestation, as well as 7.7% (over-cultivation) and 5.5% (overgrazing). 13% of land in Oceania was spoiled, and 11.3% of land spoiled was because of over-grazing, while 5% of land was degraded in North America, and 3.3% of the land degradation was subject to over-cultivation.A complete compositionThe chart compares the proportions of overgrazing, over-cultivation, deforestation and others. The table compares the percentages of overgrazing, over-cultivation and deforestation in North America, Europe and Oceania during 1990 – 2000. 文章的开篇与提示句不同之处在于：你是在看过图表后产生的具体的描述。The most primary cause of land degradation in the world is over-grazing, accounting for 35%, while other two main causes are over-cultivation and deforestation, occupying 28% and 30% respectively. The reminder only takes up 7%.