幽默英语演讲2分钟

[英语演讲稿2分钟]【英语演讲稿2分钟】 Good morning, ladies and gentlemen, Im very glad to make a speech here. Today my topic is I love you, China. Since the day I was born, I beg...+阅读

I can't let him get away

A male crab met a female crab and asked her to marry him. She noticed that he was walking straight instead of sideways. Wow, she thought, this crab is really special. I can't let him get away .So they got married immediately.

The next day she noticed her new husband waking sideways like all the other crabs, and got upset. ＂What happened?＂ she asked. ＂You used to walk straight before we were married.＂

＂Oh, honey, ＂ he replied, ＂I can't drink that much every day.＂

不能让他跑了

一只雄蟹遇到一只雌蟹，便要娶她为妻。她注意到他走路是直着走，而不是横着走。哇！她想，这只雄蟹可真特别，我可不能让他跑了。因此他们立刻结婚了。

第二天，她又发现她的新郎像其他蟹一样横着走路了。她深感不安。“你怎么了？”她问，“我们结婚前你可是直着走路的。”

“哦，宝贝，”他回答说，“我不可能每天都喝那么多。”

或者

A lawyer's dog, running about unleashed, beelines for a butcher shop and steals a roast. Butcher goes to lawyer's office and asks, ＂If a dog running unleashed steals a piece of meat from my store, do I have a right to demand payment for the meat from the dog's owner?＂ The lawyer answers, ＂Absolutely.＂＂Then you owe me $8.50. Your dog was loose and stole a roast from me today.＂ The lawyer, without a word, writes the butcher a check for $8.50. Several days later, the butcher opens the mail and finds an envelope from the lawyer: $250 due for a consultation.

律师的狗，没有拴而到处闲逛，它来到一家肉店，偷走了一块烤肉。店主来到律师的办公室，问道“如果一条没栓的狗从我的商店里偷了块肉，我有权利从狗的主人那里要回损失吗？律师答道：“完全可以”，“那你欠我 8.50美元，你的狗没栓而且今天从我的店里头了块肉”，律师什么都没说，马上给他写了一张支票。一些天后，店主打开邮箱，发现一封来自律师的信，信上写道：咨询费250美元。

采纳

英语一分钟幽默演讲稿

Story 31 TheBroom Seller and the Barber

A man who soldbrooms went into a barber's shop to get shaved. The barber brought one of hisbrooms. After he had shaved him, he asked for the price of the brooms.

“Two pence,”said the man.

“No, no,” saidthe barber. “I will give you a penny, and if you don't think that is enough,you may take your broom back!”

The man took itand asked what he had to pay his shave.

“A penny,” saidthe barber.

“I will giveyou a half penny, and if that is not enough, you may put my beard on again.”

故事31卖扫帚的人和理发师

一个卖扫帚的人去理发店修面。理发师从他那里买了一把扫帚。当理发师给他修面后，问一下他扫帚的价格。

买扫帚的人说：“两个便士。”

“不，不。”理发师说：“我只出一个便士，如果你认为不狗的话，可以把扫帚拿回去。”

卖扫帚的人拿回了扫帚，随后问修面要付多少钱。

“一便士。”理发师说。

卖扫帚的人说：“我给你半个便士，如果不狗的话，请把我的胡子还给我。”

Story 32 Sunthe Ice

Once asimpleton's wife told him to buy some ice.

Two hourslater, he didn't come back. She wanted to know why he didn't come back and wentout to have a look. She saw he was standing in the sun at the gate and watchingthe ice melting.

“What's thematter?” She asked him. “Why don't you bring it in?”

“I saw the icewas wet and I was afraid that you would scold me so I'm running it dry.” Thesimpleton answered.

故事32 晒冰

从前有一个笨人的妻子让她的丈夫买几块冰。

两个小时后，他还没回来。

她想知道他为什么没回来，就出去看了看，发现她的丈夫在门口站着，在太阳下晒冰，看着冰融化。

她问他：“怎么啦？你为什么不把它拿进来？”

“我看见冰是湿的，恐怕你会训斥我，因此，我正在把它晒干。”笨人回答道。

三分钟幽默演讲稿英语

三 Expensive Price

Dentist: I'm sorry, madam, but I'll have to charge you twenty-five dollars for pulling your son's tooth.

Mother: Twenty-five dollars! But I thought you only charged five dollars for an extraction.

Dentist: I usually do. But your son yelled so loud, he scared four other patients out of the office.

昂贵的代价

牙科医生：对不起，夫人，为给您的儿子拔牙，我得收二十五美元。

母亲：二十五美元！可是我知道您拔一颗牙只要五美元呀？

牙科医生：是的。但是您儿子这么大声地叫唤，他都吓跑四位病人了

一分钟英文小笑话演讲

Good Boy

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. ＂What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?＂

＂I gave it to a poor old woman,＂ he answered.

＂You're a good boy,＂ said the mother proudly. ＂Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?＂

＂She is the one who sells the candy.＂