拥抱他人，拥抱自己

[尊重他人和自己的生命]安全是一种爱。安全的爱是父母对外出儿女永远的牵挂，是朋友寄来贺卡上的眷眷祝福，是同事带着微笑的一声问候，是陌生人邂逅时的彼此关照，安全更是一种以人为本的社会制度奏出的爱...+阅读

Thandie Newton Embracing otherness, embracing myself拥抱他人，拥抱自己Embracing otherness. When I first heard this theme, I thought, well, embracing otherness is embracing myself. And the journey to that place of understanding and acceptance has been an interesting one for me, and its given me an insight into the whole notion of self, which I think is worth sharing with you today.拥抱他类。当我第一次听说这个主题时，我心想，拥抱他类不就是拥抱自己吗。我个人懂得理解和接受他类的经历很有趣，让我对于“自己”这个词也有了新的认识，我想今天在这里和你们分享下我的心得体会。

We each he a self, but I dont think that were born with one. You know how newborn babies believe theyre part of everything; theyre not separate? Well that fundamental sense of oneness is lost on us very quickly. Its like that initial stage is over -- oneness: infancy, unformed, primitive. Its no longer valid or real. What is real is separateness, and at some point in early babyhood, the idea of self starts to form. Our little portion of oneness is given a name, is told all kinds of things about itself, and these details, opinions and ideas bee facts, which go towards building ourselves, our identity. And that self bees the vehicle for nigating our social world. But the self is a projection based on other peoples projections. Is it who we really are? Or who we really want to be, or should be?我们每个人都有个自我，但并不是生来就如此的。

你知道新生的宝宝们觉得他们是任何东西的一部分，而不是分裂的个体。这种本源上的“天人合一”感在我们出生后很快就不见了，就好像我们人生的第一个篇章--和谐统一：婴儿，未成形，原始--结束了。它们似幻似影，而现实的世界是孤独彼此分离的。而在孩童期的某段时间，我们开始形成自我这个观点。宇宙中的小小个体有了自己的名字，有了自己的过去等等各种信息。

这些关于自己的细节，看法和观点慢慢变成事实，成为我们身份的一部分。而那个自我，也变成我们人生路上前行的导航仪。然后，这个所谓的自我，是他人自我的映射，还是我们真实的自己呢?我们究竟想成为什么样，应该成为什么样的呢?So this whole interaction with self and identity was a very difficult one for me growing up. The self that I attempted to take out into the world was rejected over and over again. And my panic at not hing a self that fit, and the confusion that came from my self being rejected, created anxiety, shame and hopelessness, which kind of defined me for a long time. But in retrospect, the destruction of my self was so repetitive that I started to see a pattern. The self changed, got affected, broken, destroyed, but another one would evolve -- sometimes stronger, sometimes hateful, sometimes not wanting to be there at all. The self was not constant. And how many times would my self he to die before I realized that it was never alive in the first place?这个和自我打交道，寻找自己身份的过程在我的成长记忆中一点都不容易。

我想成为的那些“自我”不断被否定再否定，而我害怕自己无法融入周遭的环境，因被否定而引起的困惑让我变得更加忧虑，感到羞耻和无望，在很长一段时间就是我存在状态。然而回头看，对自我的解构是那么频繁，以至于我发现了这样一种规律。自我是变化的，受他人影响，分裂或被打败，而另一个自我会产生，这个自我可能更坚强，可能更可憎，有时你也不想变成那样。

所谓自我不是固定不变的。而我需要经历多少次自我的破碎重生才会明白其实自我从来没有存在过?I grew up on the coast of England in the 70s. My dad is white from Cornwall, and my mom is black from Zimbabwe. Even the idea of us as a family was challenging to most people. But nature had its wicked way, and brown babies were born. But from about the age of five, I was aware that I didnt fit. I was the black atheist kid in the all-white Catholic school run by nuns. I was an anomaly, and my self was rooting around for definition and trying to plug in. Because the self likes to fit, to see itself replicated, to belong. That confirms its existence and its importance. And it is important. It has an extremely important function. Without it, we literally cant interface with others. We cant hatch plans and climb that stairway of popularity, of success. But my skin color wasnt right. My hair wasnt right. My history wasnt right. My self became defined by otherness, which meant that, in that social world, I didnt really exist. And I was other before being anything else -- even before being a girl. I was a noticeable nobody.我在70年代英格兰海边长大，我的父亲是康沃尔的白人，母亲是津巴布韦的黑人。

而想象我和父母是一家人对于其他人来说总是不太自然。自然有它自己的魔术，棕色皮肤的宝宝诞生了。但从我五岁开始，我就有种感觉我不是这个群体的。我是一个全白人天主教会学校里面黑皮肤无神论小孩。我与他人是不同的，而那个热衷于归属的自我却到处寻找方式寻找归属感。这种认同感让自我感受到存在感和重要性，因此十分重要。这点是如此重要，如果没有自我，我们根本无法与他人沟通。

没有它，我们无所适从，无法获取成功或变得受人欢迎。但我的肤色不对，我的头发不对，我的过去不对，我的一切都是另类定义的，在这个社会里，我其实并不真实存在。我首先是个异类，其次才是个女孩。我是可见却毫无意义的人。