求批雅思G类小作文反对机场扩建

[求批改雅思大作文！帮我看看能得多少分明天就考试了！谢谢！]6-6.5分。如果你这篇作文是在40分钟之内完成、没有看过任何Idea方面的提示、没有老师的指导，并且没查单词没修改的情况下完成的。那么你的考场作文，只要审题准确，不会低于6分...+阅读

总体结构安排合理，具体的我就一句一句的细批了。＂Let's take a hard critical look at your letter.＂原文：I am writing to complain about the plan which intents to expand the local airport and increase the number of flights. 1.“complain” 通常是针对已发生事件，比如现有的噪音问题。而这里机场扩建还只是计划，尚未产生任何损害。因此建议改为“protest”2.“intent to”之前通常是人或是一个有思想有主观意志的组织，而“the plan”是一个固定的没有意志的东西。

“the plan... intents to... ”这种搭配似乎并不常见，建议换一种表达方式。改写：I am writing to protest against the proposed airport expansion plan.原文：I have been living in West River for several years. My house is located within 20 minutes' drive from the airport. 3.抗议信中写出自己的切身关切的原因很重要。但是一般城市机场高速开车20分钟的路程应该是很远了，如果不是direct under the flight path 应该没什么影响。

也可以把这些具体东西放到第二段以使第一段更加简洁，第二段更加具体。原文：Let's take a hard critical look at the current environment and the plan, to identify precisely what negative impact to the residential area will be brought if the plan is carried out.4.不知这是否是雅思应考常用的格式，但是如果现实中这样写抗议信的话会感觉比较八股，有不够简洁之嫌。看架势似乎后边要写个针对 “the plan” 逐条分析的报告，但下文中实际上并未引述和具体讨论“the plan”中的任何具体内容。

该句可以去掉也可以简化句式。5.既然是你是反对该计划的，当然实际上你可能会用比较苟刻的眼光来审视这一计划，但是把“Let's take a hard critical look”这样写出来就不太好了。这样写出来似乎暗示你是带着反对该计划的某种成见在故意吹毛求疵。避免倾向性的措辞至少要把“hard”去掉。6.句子结构太复杂了。虽然语法是正确的，显示驾驭复杂句式的功底很强，但是语言不够优美，地道。

建议把句式调整一下。改写：Having read the plan, I am horrified by the detrimental impacts it would have on our local community and the environment if carried out.原文：The residents have already been seriously affected by the noise of the airplanes. 7.“The residents” 地域没有很好界定。建议改成“Local residents”或者更好的是 “The local community”。个人写信用“community” 一词的好处是一个活得整体大于“residents”之和，更加煽情。

8.时态选择不恰当。无穷无尽的噪声影响并没有 “完成”。改写：The local community are already suffering from the aviation noise.原文：Children distracted by the noise could not concentrate on their homework. Additionally, old people cannot get good rest when there are night flights. I dare not to imagine how serious it will be if there were more disturbing flights. Moreover, expanding the airport will inevitably occupy more plot of land.9.这里又有另一点我不清楚应试和实际写作是否思考角度相同。

你提出了多个理由，噪声问题和占用土地是截然不同的问题。如果你是为一个环保组织捉刀写这封信那么你一定要写出几个方面的问题以显示你对各个方面进行了综合评估。但是如果以一个附近普通居民的身份写的话，专注于一个非常切身问题的反对信往往更有力。公共土地占用问题不是与附近居民利益直接相关的问题，写出来反而会降低反对信的力度。

但是我不清楚是否写出多个反对理由是不是更对雅思考试的口味。10.要想说理清楚，最好把具体的计划说出来。机场扩建有多种可能：Runway extension, additional runway, terminal upgrade, new terminal building, new parking lots, extend operating hours, lift existing night curfew, airport access road upgrade比如这里可以假设the plan 的核心内容是construct second runway。白天噪音影响可以说得更细致一点。

最简单的是写点关心自己家庭成员的健康。比如：I have an 8-year-old son suffer from ADHD (Attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder).或者是My wife suffers from mild insomnia. 也可以是超越自己家庭替社区说话。比如：I assueme the government must aware there are 2 kinder gardens, 1 primary schools and a retirement village are under the proposed flight path. Dose the government also aware West River has the highest incidents of ADHD in the nation and 35 percent of the residents in the retirement village suffer from certain degree of insomnia? Unless the issue of aircraft noise are properly addressed, proposed second runway will only exacerbate these suffering. It would be a disgrace if the government choose to put commercial interests ahead of the well-being of our elderly, our children and our community.原文： I strongly protest this inconsiderable decision of the government. I hope the government can wisely discard this short-sighted development plan. 11.从第一句看你认为政府已经作出了决定，从第二句看你希望政府改变计划，估计还没最后决定。那政...