求雅思作文修改

[雅思作文修改及评分]我的观点是这篇差不多5分。简要原因如下：一、文章结构OK，首末段加正反观点，但这一结构表现的不明显，也就是你的每段首句没有清楚、简明、有力的说出你的论据和论点；二、逻辑不...+阅读

In recent decades, the trend of (doing the same thing and avoiding change)[像开头这种描述，就算用套句，也绝对不能抄原文，可以改成：staying with the same job] has increased significantly especially in China, the United State of American and Australia. The term change refers to the preferred style of working and jobs by people from all over the world. In discussing (people) argue whether or not this increase should be seen as a positive phenomenon. The reasons for this argument include the influence of globe financial crisis, the difference in cultural expectation in changing the occupation. 第一段，看起来很好，但是套句也写的太明显了。。。 With regard to the role of job(s) in contemporary society, people ('s) living experience may (be very different)[varies] from their (home去掉) countries. Concerning of the significant of sable job, many people, particularly those from certain Asian countries, prefer to spend their live doing the same thing. This is due to the fact that stable income and circumstances (require)[are based on，不改也可以，个人建议，比较正式点。

] stable job rather than part-time job (and去掉) therefore those who (are)have given up their job and (do not)[without] re-education (may)[are] less likely to find a new employment. (For instance, the globe financial crisis cause people more treasure their job. Consequently, it can be seen that majority of people avoid to change their job-at any rate for short periods. )例子你自己再看看，和前面的理论不搭调，最好换个。另外，第二段太罗嗦，很多可以简化，包括从句7句话就够了。到真正考试的时候，没有这么多时间给你写这么啰嗦的东西。 However, in face of opportunity, a number of people have maintained that there are ways of adapting to change in order to ensure better survival. (It is no doubt that if someone has opportunity to improve his reality【ability吧。】， he should do it without hesitation.)依据理论不够。

建议重写。（不信我给你翻译下：不容质疑的是，只要有机会，一个人绝对不会犹豫去提升他的能力。可是你前面都说了这么多人喜欢稳定的工资，很矛盾！所以建议写成：很多成功的例子证明：很多人都会抓住提升他们能力的机会，并且这样更利于长远发展。）【Nevertheless, much is absolutely certain — not all people have chance to change their job (that is related to)[because] they don't too consider their live(s) in short period勉勉强强，第三段，逻辑顺序不够，依据不够As for all factor(s) mentioned above, (there are several)the major factors (which)去掉 strongly support the fact that people prefer to do the same thing including personal expectation, personal skills and influence of external situation. Consequently, I am in favor (of) the notion that people should have the stable job.总体结构也不好，一般外国人都喜欢欲扬先抑，所以你主观反对的观点摆第二段，支持的摆第三段，然后最后一段明确表示你支持第三段的内容，这样外国人就不会搞混你的立场。

评分：5.5-6，用词很多很大，可惜句子都太啰嗦。

求批改雅思小作文！急！

太中国式英语了雅思的图表作文字数不在多在于精第一句话就是要说明你这个讲的是什么是percentage 你就要说出来 describe-- --这个词换一个吧你用explains, illstrate 你用show 都比discribe号 As illustrated in pie chart, it can clearly know that where the students' money taked, such as--- --- and so on 没有错但是试试别的词吧第一body g 不能上来就说Then 你可以说 according to the chart it can be seen-- --这个完全看清楚你的句子是it吗？指物非人不对。错误真的很多-- - 第二个句子也是错误一堆首先rent and foodfor前面为什么是逗号。你没有连接词啊。然后，后面直接加 the lagest 是不对的-- -- 最后the lagest one is 100 of the spending while the school fees cost 90。完全没看懂你什么意思。接着又来个then-- -- 这个then 后面的一句话的语法对了。

但是最后一句话完全改不出来了不知道你要说什么。我想你是想说在underground 花e 25 同时 clothes represent 20。记住你用了 clothes 后面的动词不能加s了。最后一段，和body g 最后一句话一样 account 没有s 总结，我说话直，你基础不好如果短期考试的话就找30篇雅思小作文，背会背熟练。否则你这样的作文，分数估计4是高的了

求高手批改雅思作文

1 when teamwork in prevalent 不对把，应该是笔误 IN -- IS2 To begin with, women are, in essence, inherently advantageous in contrast with men in terms of characters ARE YOU SURE ,BY WHICH IT MEANS YOU ARE A SEXIST ？我觉得如果这是你的当堂文章的话，那么你就不需要重点关注大作文了。词汇和语法都很丰富。不过把文章变的更生动一些，更简单明了一些就会拿到更好的分数，比如鲜活的例子和生动的比喻，使文章有趣和有文采。大作文你现在6。5+（给你6分的可能性有，但不应该超过20%）如果更生动的话 7。5都可能。那个说你5。5的有可能是说你写的太象摸板或太枯燥了把 PS，用词平缓一点，不要动不动就BEST,MOST,CRUCIAL IMPORTANCE....

雅思作文批改

Job, like marriage and child education is considered as an eternal topic discussed by nearly all individuals. And some people believe salary level is the sole determinator in hunting for the job.

They claim the aim of undertaking job is income generation. Although the factors such as training opportunities and personal interest are important, they cannot replace the position of payment level in determining whether to accept the job offers. And it is the action of chassing for the higher payment that is in line with the primary purpose of work. All other factors as they believe can only be valuable when the requirement of high payment is filfulled.

Nevertheless, this view has been challenged. As others believe that job which is considered as the essential component of people's lives cannot be determined solely by the salary level. Some high income earners are currently working under high presures and their healthy condition have become big concerns. And if this situation is continued, some serious problems would be triggered including some serious psychological and physical deseases. Thus, what they believe is all fectors ranging from career development to job satisfaction should be comprehensively taken into consideration for seaking a decent job.

In my view, payment is an important but not the only factor in job seeking. Other factors such as whether the job is in accordance with the personal goal should also be considered. And only by doing it, can we select the most decent jobs for ourselves.

这是我的版本，我觉得大概6分吧。

你第一段可以稍微简单一点，毕竟这只是一个开头。

把主体段落扩充一些。还有就是注意一下语言的简洁