雅思作文求修改求评分

[作文最美的风景写梨花的]美丽的梨花】随着一个个跳动的日子被我从日历上撕下去，春姑娘带着美丽的微笑向我们走来。我和父母一下子冲进了大兴的万亩梨花园，去捕捉春天的风景。一进梨花园，就像走进了一...+阅读

文章写得很不错，除了一些小错误。it is believed that there is an inevitable trend that people,ranging from （加the） wealthy to the poor,are more likely to suffer from health issues on account of too much intake of fast food.considering the severity of health matters,actions need to be taken to solve the problems.

imposing a higher tax by government can be effective to some extent.people might less depend(less和depend的位置调转) on the fast food in terms of higher price cause（改because） it can be out of affordability.imaginably,there will be （加a）decreasing number of people who would like to buy fast food and its popularity is supposed to reduce as well.and the ultimate outcome will be the generally wane of fast food industries.at this point,the effects seem to be sensible in the long run.

while the advantages of imposing a higher tax can be not denied,i believe its flaws far outweigh benefits.in many cases,due to fierce competition and ever-accelerating modern life,a great many people have no alternative but resorts(resorts改成 to resort) to fast food.so raising the price of fast food results in nothing but increasing the burdens of individuals.besides,owing to the prosperity of economy and the betterment of people's standard of living,their is one possibility that people keep on buying fast food so the higher price will not make any sense.

therefor,judging from these potential consequences, we need to come up with some other solutions to tackle from（去掉from） the root of problems.for instance,people need to be instilled with knowledge about wholesome dietary habits.all in all,there is（改are） a wide range of solutions （加which）can be advantageous.